maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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