I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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