i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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