let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
They have beer where we have blood.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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