The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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