Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
