I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think your dad took our porno
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
