Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
