she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dick has a subreddit
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
