It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
