I am puke
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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