Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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