is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
