WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
