Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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