i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
