Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
