I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
