my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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