also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
