i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
