"it" just moved
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
