I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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