Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
