Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
