So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
