Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
