you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
