Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
