The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
