So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
