She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
