you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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