I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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