You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
