you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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