Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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