Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
