Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
