brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
