Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A bitchslap is in order.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
