I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
