i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
