I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
