Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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