tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
