so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
two words: eviction party
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
