This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
