i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
