You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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