i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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