Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, beer. Big fan.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
