My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
