Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
