Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
