I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
