I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
