weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
