shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
