Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
