Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
