Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
