real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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