Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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