You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
