I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
