How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
