How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
