his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
