Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
