Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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